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Each year during the week of my birthday, I write about the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life that I’ve learned over the past year. When aspiring to live a meaningful life, one must think about the content of one’s life as well as the process, meaning it’s not just what you do but how you do it. There is value and meaning not only in the lessons I’ve learned, but in the process of pausing to reflect. Reflection is an essential component of how we even begin to consider living a meaningful life because it gives us the opportunity to notice, evaluate, and intentionally choose what best fits us in life.
Perhaps none of these meaningful lessons for a meaningful life resonate with you this year- that’s totally okay and even expected since we are each on different journeys in this life- but maybe you walk away inspired by the process of reflection. And then you choose to pause and reflect on the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life in your last year, month, day, or even just the last hour, so you can choose meaningful living, so that you can choose to live a life that fits you.
1. Everything is figureoutable.
It’s generally easy for me to have a vision of what I want to create and then be able to make it happen. There have been a few times in my life where I’ve felt paralyzed because I’ve been unable to envision the way forward. All of those times have included significant components that have been out of my control. One example is when I was preparing to head to US Navy boot camp. I couldn’t envision what it would look like and I had little control over how things would play out in many ways. I experienced another one of those moments this past year where I felt powerless, paralyzed, and unable to move forward. Of course, there was a way through the challenge, and I eventually found it with the support and help of others.
After making it through the initial transition, I read a book called Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. Marie’s mantra in life is the phrase, “Everything is figureoutable.” I didn’t know it at the time, but I had unknowingly adopted a version of this mantra to make my way through the challenge. Having this phrase handy has certainly come in handy in the aftermath of the transition. It’s empowering and helps me approach challenges like puzzles to be solved instead of stressful roadblocks I won’t be able to navigate. One of the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life that I’ve learned is that everything is really, truly figureoutable. I might not like parts of or all of the outcome, but there’s a way forward.
Looking back now, the path forward seems so clear from that tough place where things felt so dark. In fact, reflecting on the transition itself, I felt a strange and unexpected sense of peace. It was like a certainty in that I had made the best choice at the time given the circumstances. And all the heartache and grief I preemptively felt had made it easier to let go, say goodbye, and move forward. It was also revealing how much anxiety had been wrapped up into the situation because my anticipation of the change was drastically inflated and far worse than the transition actually was.
2. Trust your intuition.
That sense of calm and certainty in the challenging transition I referenced above came from my intuition. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me the value of one’s intuition, and five years ago, I would’ve told you mine was broken.
As a recovering people pleaser, I have spent the majority of my life relying on other people and entities to decide how I spent my time, energy, and resources, and determine what my values are. It’s been hard work to learn how to settle long enough to listen to my inner compass, and sometimes I still can’t hear it yet. It’s been even more challenging to follow through with what my intuition tells me, especially when it goes against the norm or what other people are doing. Here’s the interesting thing: The more I follow my intuition, the stronger and clearer that voice grows.
Trusting your intuition is another one of the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life because living a meaningful life requires you to know who you are. It’s not about living someone else’s life- it’s about living the life that calls to you. Of course, in usual fashion, it rages against the mainstream where marketing psychology is constantly trying to influence us to buy things. Listening to your intuition guides you on how to spend your time, resources, and money in ways that fit you, not in ways that will help you fit in.
Years ago, I crafted a mantra that I still love: I release the need to hide; I step into my own light. I would envision stepping out from behind a curtain and onto a well-lit stage while saying it. I had expected it to be one simple step from darkness to light, and it has been anything but that. It has been inching, bending, stretching, shifting, and healing to tolerate the light bit by bit. I’m letting my intuition guide me in this process. I’m asking “when” more than “why” and building more trust in myself as each day passes by.
3. Knowledge is power.
This is timeless message that will always be classified as one of the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life. If it’s true that ignorance is bliss, it’s also true that knowledge is power. When you seek knowledge, you can make informed decisions for yourself that lead you to your version of meaningful living. Knowledge comes with a responsibility to use it. Applying knowledge is a part of how we grow and change. It can move us forward in life. It can also stop us dead in our tracks and make us question everything before we can change course and move forward.
I’ve taken a deep dive into broken systems in the past year, learning so much about how the things we’ve been conditioned to believe in blindly aren’t working they way they should. One example is how so little of the items we separate out for recycling are actually recycled. Only 5% of the plastic produced last year was recycled. Another example is our healthcare system that is supplying pills to keep Big Pharma going more than supporting health.
This also goes for veterinary medicine. Case in point: I took my dogs to the vet last year to receive a kennel cough diagnosis and rule out more concerning conditions. The vet attempted to prescribe an antibiotic, which I rejected because kennel cough is a virus and doesn’t respond to antibiotics, so there’s no need to destroy their gut microbiome and reduce their immune systems. The vet was surprised that we came in for a diagnosis and not a pill. Of course, the virus ran its course, and my dogs felt better within a week.
As part of learning about healthcare, I’ve taken a deep dive into environmental health and learned so much about the toxins in the food, air, and water we consume everyday. With this knowledge, I’ve made significant shifts in what I feed my family, how I filter the water we drink, and how we improve the air we breathe. We were already a more health-focused family than most (many of our friends have commented that they think our dogs eat better than they do!), but I’ve learned some things in the past year that have caused me to pause and shift directions. As usual, the goal and intention isn’t more restriction; the focus is on living the highest quality of life through the highest level of health. There is a lot you can do to support your own health without the need of an “expert” or a pill.
4. A regulated nervous system is the best gift to yourself and others.
I’ve spent a significant amount of my life in flight or fight with a dysregulated nervous system. I felt on edge, uncertain, fearful, worried, angry, rushed and not enough. I thought that’s simply who I was as a person- I thought it was my personality. I was unable to enjoy life, relax, or rest the majority of the time. My value was tied to what I did so I had to stay busy. Does it sound miserable? Because it absolutely was. I felt miserable and stuck and lived in dread.
Between a decade of therapy, becoming a relational therapist, and learning more about health, I finally have more than fleeting glimpses of a regulated nervous system. I spend more of my life in rest and digest than ever before. I can respond to stress and challenges intentionally and from a grounded place without being reactive or feeling hopeless more and more. It wasn’t my personality to be dysregulated; it was how I was wired based on my experiences and beliefs about the world. When I worked to intentionally shift that wiring- to heal trauma, make sense of my experiences, and seek different experiences in the world- everything changed.
Learning to regulate your nervous system is another one of the most meaningful lessons for a meaningful life because it allows you to enjoy life, to respond to yourself with kindness and compassion, and to respond to others with intentionality more often. Because the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system (rest and digest) is connected to the ventral vagal branch, which is connected to our social engagement system, you will find it easier to get along with others when you’re more regulated. When this system gets turned on, it’s easy to be collaborative, cooperative, calm, and collected. The social engagement system gets shut down, on the other hand, when we start to perceive a lack of safety (often emotionally, but sometimes physically, and especially for kiddos, sometimes internally). No matter how you slice it, the more regulated your nervous system is, the easier and more enjoyable it will be to go to work, deepen your relationships, take care of yourself, parent your children, and take steps towards living the meaningful life you dream of.
Let me know in the comments what meaningful lessons for a meaningful life you’ve learned over the last year.
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