7 Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System

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Contrary to popular belief, the hustle is not the best way to live life. It doesn’t allow us to thrive or enjoy life; it doesn’t give us opportunities to make new friends or learn new information. Sure, it can get you places, but at what cost?

For some people, you might notice that it’s always been a way of life for you to be on the go and feel stressed. It might be hard to wind down or slow down, to turn off your brain, and you might find calming things to be “boring” or a “waste of time.” I totally get that, and I moved through the world that way for YEARS. It’s a brilliant coping mechanism that allows you to function, and generally function really well. And… let’s be honest, there’s also a part of you that wants to get off the never-ending merry-go-round of stress, and craves time for deep, restorative rest to recharge. That need for rest is wired into all of us at some level because our bodies do incredible things when we are in a state of rest.

For others, the chronic feeling of stress might be triggered by a new job, a move, having kids, moving into a moldy home, or other big, overwhelming life event that it feels like you just can’t bounce back from yet. Regardless of where it comes from, that feeling of being on edge, overwhelmed, not having control of your feelings and stressed constantly is called nervous system dysregulation. It is more than just your thoughts or emotions, but the wiring of your autonomic nervous system. I know that sounds serious, and it is, but you absolutely have the power to shift this, and I’m going to share 7 ways to regulate your nervous system so you can slow down and enjoy all the goodness that life has to offer.

Why Regulation is Important

Before we get to the ways to regulate your nervous system, it’s helpful to know why regulation is important. That feeling of being stressed all the time, which has become so common in our society, leads to disease in the body. It is well documented that unaddressed chronic stress leads to physical health concerns. Here’s a brief summary of some of the impacts chronic stress can have:

Chronic stress equals tension- areas where we squeeze the muscles and bands in our bodies- which can lead to aches, soreness, pain, and discomfort. Headaches, migraines, tight shoulders and neck, and lower back pain are connected to chronic stress, and this can lead to conditions like arthritis or fibromyalgia.
Chronic stress also impacts our respiratory system, constricting the airway and leading to panic attacks and hyperventilation.
The cardiovascular system is impacted, causing blood vessels to dilate and increase the amount of blood pumping and circulating throughout the body, leading to high blood pressure, increased heart rate, and an increased risk of stroke and heart attack.
The gastrointestinal system is impacted by shutting down the body’s ability to properly digest food, leading to acid reflux, heartburn, nausea, bloating, diarrhea, and constipation. Chronic stress also impact the bacteria in the gut, which are connected to mood and thinking capacity.
Mental health concerns can be connected to chronic stress, like anxiety, depression, sleep disruption, and substance use.
Chronic stress impacts the endocrine system. This is the system response for responding to stress- it disperses hormones in response to stress to help us rise to meet the occasion of the stressor. It is a system that is designed to power up in times of stress and turn off in times of ease, but when it’s constantly on, it can reduce the efficiency of the immune system, leading to inflammation in the body, which contributes to arthritis, depression, Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes, and autoimmune conditions like type 1 diabetes, lupus, MS, and inflammatory bowel disease.

All of that is to say that it’s well worth our time and energy to learn ways to regulate our nervous system for our short- and long-term health.

The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

Befriending the Nervous System

Before I became a therapist, I knew nothing about the autonomic nervous system, let alone ways to regulate the nervous system, but I knew the feeling of being on edge, overwhelmed, and wired all the time. Life was miserable, and I thought there was nothing I could do to change that. I believed other people just handled stress better than me. Of course, that was true in some ways, although it wasn’t a permanent, fixed quality about myself like I thought it was. It’s not a permanent state for you either, even though it might feel like it right now, because there are so many ways to regulate your nervous system and shift out of that feeling of chronic stress.

You have probably heard of fight-or-flight before, and I’m so glad that you have. I’m also so glad that you’re here, because there is so much more to the nervous system that is helpful to know beyond fight-or-flight, especially if you’re a parent, you value your relationships, and you work with other people (soooo, pretty much valuable for nearly everyone!).

Nervous System 101: The Most Basic Basics

When I say nervous system, I’m talking about the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system works automatically without us consciously controlling it (autonomic = automatic). It connects the brain to the gut and several other systems in the body that help us to respond to the cues we receive internally and externally without thinking about it. It keeps our breath going, heart beating, and gets our food digested without us voluntarily starting or monitoring any of those processes (and thank goodness for that!).

Our understanding of the autonomic nervous system comes from polyvagal theory which was developed by Stephen Porges. Let’s break down the word polyvagal. Poly means “many” and vagal means “wanderer” in Latin. Vagal refers to the vagus nerve which is technically a group of nerves as opposed to just one nerve. This bundle of nerves is wired from the brain down through the torso connecting the brain to the neck, chest, heart, lungs, stomach, and the adrenal glands positioned on top of the kidneys. The vagus nerve is aptly named as it “wanders” through the body.

There are two primary systems within the autonomic nervous system: sympathetic branch and parasympathetic branch. The sympathetic branch is in charge of the fight-or-flight responses. It kicks us into survival mode so we can take action to preserve life by defending ourselves or escaping danger. It pumps us full of adrenaline and reduces the energy expended on processes not immediately imperative to survival, so we have reduced capacities in sympathetic arousal in the prefrontal cortex- the thinking brain- as well as our capacities to digest food and perceive pain, but our heart rate, respiratory rate, hearing, and eyesight improve. Our muscles and limbs also feel energized since our heart pumps more blood throughout the body along with the hormones like cortisol surging through us. Cortisol increases blood sugar, which gives us energy in stressful times.

The parasympathetic branch is the brake. It allows us to shift into rest-and-digest, turning our digestive system back on, relaxing our muscles, allowing our thinking brain to come back online, reducing the speed of our heart rate and breath, and levels of stress hormones distributed by the endocrine system. Since the two branches have similar names, it can be challenging to remember which is which, but I’ll share a little trick to remember the difference. I loved peanut butter as a kid, so I make the parasympathetic branch an acronym of PB, and then tell myself “Peanut butter slows you down like a brake,” which works since the parasympathetic branch is the brake.

This system is simply brilliant when it works as designed. If you’ve got a grumpy lion chasing you or you’re hunting for your food, it really does the trick to have peaks of sympathetic arousal and return to parasympathetic arousal as your baseline. But things get quite challenging when we’re always in fight-or-flight because of chronic stress at work or at home. When we’re always in fight-or-flight, cortisol starts to drop. Our bodies can’t sustain producing such a high level all the time, and that leads to inflammation and disrupts several of our body’s natural systems, like we talked about earlier.

Just a note that there are two other notable branches of the vagus nerve called ventral vagal and dorsal vagal, but we won’t be covering those in this post.

What Triggers the Sympathetic Branch

The autonomic nervous system functions a lot like a smoke detector (this is a great metaphor from Karen Young’s book Hey Warrior). A smoke detector’s job is to sound an alarm when it senses a certain level of smoke in the home. It doesn’t care if it’s coming from you simply burning the edges of your bread in the toaster or if there’s an actual fire.

Our brains scan 3-6 times every single second for safety. This process is called neuroception. We’re looking for safety in three places: inside, outside, and in between as Deb Dana succinctly explains it. Inside means internally- our physical sensations and emotions. Outside means our physical environment. In between means emotionally- Am I safe in relationship or interaction with this person? This is another unconscious process, and when the brain perceives no, that we’re not safe, we shift into parasympathetic arousal. This is how stress at work can get us into the same state that we could enter if we were chased by an animal.

Signs of Dysregulation

Let’s cover how it feels when we’re stuck in sympathetic arousal:

Sleep difficulties: hard to fall asleep and/or stay asleep
Insomnia
Depression
Hypervigilance- constantly in a state of worry and assuming the worst
Easily startled
Reduced concentration
Reduced memory
Difficulty learning new information
Feeling exhausted all the time
Feeling on edge and overwhelmed- upset by small things often
Irritability
Anxiety
More susceptible to colds since our immune system is reduced
Digestive issues: constipation, diarrhea, or alternating
Panic attacks
Frequently defensive/disagreeable

Whew. That’s a lot! And if you’re like me and you grew up feeling like that, you don’t know anything different. You don’t even know that your body is out of it’s comfort zone because you have nothing to compare it to. In that case, you’ve spent so little time in parasympathetic arousal that sympathetic arousal feels more safe. That’s why calming activities might feel boring or a waste of time because they feel threatening to your “normal” setting. It took me almost a decade to really get regulated and with a lot of support and practice. I’d been wired to be in sympathetic arousal based on my childhood experiences. My “normal” was to be in survival mode, so anything outside of that felt intolerable and far too dangerous.

Signs of Regulation

When we’re regulated, it’s easy to connect and collaborate with others. I like to say we’re calm, cool, connected, cooperative, and collaborative- the 5 C’s. We can stay grounded while handling stress and challenges so we’re not reactive or defensive.

Here’s a fine line of differentiation: Regulation does not mean JUST being calm where our heart rate is steady, the body feels at ease, and feelings and thoughts feel manageable. We can also be regulated in more intense feelings, and in fact we NEED to develop this tool, especially as parents, to be able to tolerate difficulties yet stay in control of our words and actions. When regulated, someone can feel upset and be connected and aware to what’s going on in their body. Often when we shift into fight-or-flight, we lose rationality, saying things we don’t mean and doing thing we regret. We also get ungrounded, losing awareness of the body. By developing our regulation skills, we can be in uncomfortable feeling and have insight into our thought processes and bodily discomforts, and then respond by choosing our words and actions consciously without reacting.

Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System

Now that you’ve got some of the basic science behind the nervous system, you know how and why it works, and why it’s important for us to take care of, let’s talk strategies. We’ve got to look at two different buckets for regulation. One is big picture how we reduce stress and cut out the superfluous tasks that drain us. The second is in-the-moment how we intentionally slow down and recharge our batteries. We’re going to explore both in this post, so you’ll walk away feeling confident that you have some tools to regulate your nervous system.

Big Picture Strategies for Regulating Your Nervous System

Practice Self-care Daily

Self-care is health care. There is no quick-fix, in-the-moment strategy that can sustain you when you are playing superhero. If you have too much on your plate and you’re not eating or sleeping enough, drinking enough water, or getting time to decompress everyday, you will simply be playing whack-a-mole with the in-the-moment strategies until you shift how you move through the world.

Look at your schedule and figure out what you can shift, reduce, and cut out to get the rest, nourishment, and time for play that you need as a human to enjoy life. You need to sleep, you need to eat, you need to stay hydrated, and you need to have time for joy and play. Make time to be human. I know this can go a lot deeper than just manipulating your schedule, especially if you have some deeply ingrained beliefs about your value and worth as a human being being connected to achievement. Seek therapy if you need help addressing this.

It’s a misconception that self-care is going to the spa for a day or getting a massage. Those things are great every now and then, but you and your nervous system need care every single day. What you do everyday to take care of yourself, the habits you build to meet your daily needs, are far more important and influential on your health and well-being than the vacations and spa days.

If you’re ready to go deeper than meeting your basic needs, visit this post for some ideas on incorporating mindfulness, nature, and other strategies to enrich your life and soothe your nervous system.

Check Your Level of Exposure to Toxins

Remember how I shared that our brains are scanning for safety inside, outside, and in between? My example for outside was being chased by a lion, but we can also be impacted by more covert organisms in our environment, like toxins. If your body is overburdened by toxins and expending extra energy trying to try to detoxify, it’s going to be really hard for the in-the-moment strategies to stick and have lasting impact. Toxins come from the chemicals we’re exposed to through pesticides on our food, preservatives used in processed food, additives in our water, pollutants in our air, and the products we put on our bodies.

Zooming in on the air pollutant piece as an example, I made zero progress while living and working in mold. In fact, I would even say that I took several steps backwards because my body could not keep up with the level of toxic exposure so my nervous system stayed on high alert. I had to leave that environment to get better.

To learn more about living a low toxin life, check out this post that has some practical, easy to apply tips to reduce your toxic load and relieve that burden on your nervous system.

In-the-moment Strategies

Here are some ways to support your body and brain in pulling the brake and shifting into your nervous system into parasympathetic arousal:

Cold Exposure

One way to regulate your nervous system is to slash cold water on your face, hold an ice cube, drink a cold beverage, or take a cold shower. The cold slows our heart rate, constricts blood vessels, and shifts the nervous system into parasympathetic arousal. It’s definitely not comfortable, but it’s a quick way to activate the brake when you need it.

I used to take cold showers in the morning under the premise that I would tax my nervous system and then shift it into parasympathetic arousal so I’d already gotten through the toughest part of the day and come out the other side.

Deep Breaths from the Diaphragm

Research shows that reducing the speed of our breaths to taking just 8 per minute shifts us into parasympathetic arousal as a way to regulate your nervous system. To take just 8 breaths a minute, you’ve really got to slow things down and take deep breaths from your diaphragm. I like to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, extending the exhale so that it’s longer than the inhale. The jury is still out on how and if this is actually effective scientifically, but it’s definitely what feels most comfortable to my body. It’s also how Headspace, the meditation app, structures their breathing exercises.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Like most of these ways to regulate your nervous system, you don’t need to know the science to experience the impact. Progressive muscle relaxation is one of my favorite strategies for anxiety and stress because it releases tension and gives us a different experience in the body so we can learn what tension feels like and build awareness of when we carry it. And here’s the science behind it if you want it.

To practice progressive muscle relaxation, begin by squeezing all of the muscles in your toes and feet and holding for 3-5 seconds. When you release the tension, exhale. Repeat this process with your legs and glutes, abdomen, back, shoulders, arms and hands, and face. I like to end by contracting the whole body and then releasing, just in case any muscle groups resumed a tense state throughout the practice. There are some extensive practices you can find on youtube and the meditation apps, but I often offer this exercise as a brief 3 minute reset at the end of my therapy sessions with clients. Here’s the shortest version I could find on youtube:

54321

Another way to regulate the nervous system is by getting back into our bodies through sensory experiences. In fight-or-flight, we have a reduced awareness of the body, but tuning into the body can help us pull the brake and shift into parasympathetic arousal. 54321 is a simple exercise that invites you to check in with each of your senses. Here’s how I structure it:

Name 5 things you can see
Name 4 things you can feel (either on your body (hair, clothes, etc.) or that your body can touch (chair below you, desk in front of you, etc.)
Name 3 things you can hear
Name 2 things you can smell (can be your shampoo, laundry detergent, etc.)
Name 1 thing you can taste

Shake It Off

One last way to regulate your nervous system: stand up and literally shake it off. Have you ever seen a dog or cat shake after something stressful happened, or even just after waking up from a nap? That allows them to shake off any tension or leftover energy they no longer need. Shaking can have a similar effect on our bodies and nervous systems by loosening up joints and relaxing muscles. There’s no need to get scientific about this one, and you don’t need step-by-step directions. Just stand up and simply shake, turn, twist, and move all of your body for a few moments.

There are many more ways to regulate your nervous system, and I’d love to hear some of your favorite ways in the comments or through email!