How to Make the Most of the -ber Months

Ah, the -ber months are upon us: September, October, November, and December. My favorite months of the year, and also the busiest months for many people and families. These four months are jam packed with more transitions, expectations, and holidays than any other time of the year.  We shift into new routines as the days grow shorter as we say goodbye to summer, finding ways to honor fall and winter.

While I love decorating for fall and winter holidays and planning for gatherings, I absolutely understand how easy it can be to feel overwhelmed and resentful and wish for it to all be over. It’s a lot to manage, including balancing work and family life, society’s established ideals for holidays, incessant marketing of things that we don’t really need, and the pressure from family to participate in innumerable holiday activities. That doesn’t even factor in the things you want to do or even the things you need to do to care for yourself. And as much as we’d love to be able to do it all, realistically, we are human and have limitations. That’s okay, though, because you don’t HAVE to do everything. In fact, you don’t have to do anything that doesn’t fit you. To figure out what fits you and your family best, here are 5 ways to make the most of the -ber months.

One: Practice Slowing Down

We are inundated with advertisements competing for our attention constantly, telling us what we should eat, drink, wear, believe, and who we should be. Advertising is everywhere: in the grocery store, movie theater, on buses and in subways, on the radio, television, Pandora, Youtube, Spotify, and all over every single social media platform. And if it’s not advertising driving us, it’s a form of envy or inferiority from using social media to compare ourselves to others. It’s relentless!

Despite how extensively our world has been engineered for us to be influenced, you can choose not to buy into this structure. You can choose to slow down and make conscious choices, and there are countless benefits to doing so. Start slowing down by building in time for rest and recharge regularly (read: daily). And this isn’t like dozing off on the couch after the kids go to bed while you try to catch an episode from your favorite show that you’re behind on.

Build in a couple moments each day for peace where you can enjoy nature, meditate, journal, draw, practice deep breathing, or just lay down and rest. No expectations, nowhere to be, nothing to do but seek peace. After you’ve mastered building in daily moments of recharge, take a look at your schedule and figure out how you can build in time to recharge for your family. Balance out busy and exciting days and activities with calm and restoration.

Research and experience show us that slowing down reduces stress levels and helps to brighten your mood in general. Slowing down can also help you feel more aligned because you’ll be saying yes to things you have the energy for more often and hopefully feel empowered to say no to things that aren’t a good fit for you. Another benefit of slowing down is that you can be more present. Contrary to what society pushes, life isn’t about checking the boxes and always hustling towards the next goal. That keeps us out of this present moment and always seeking a future moment we can never reach. All we have is the present moment.

“The present moment is all you ever have. There is never a time when your life is not ‘this moment.’”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

Two: Be Intentional

Being intentional is another tool that helps us to make the most of our lives and helps us to be more present. I define intentionality as being thoughtful about what I say and do, and that comes from having clarity in purpose. In my experience, when I’m not intentional, it feels like life is happening to me and around me. Being intentional is empowering and allows us to care for ourselves by setting and honoring boundaries that help us show up as our most wholesome selves (P.s. If you need some education on boundaries, check out Brene Brown‘s work).

The awesome part about being intentional is that you get to choose what you do with your time and your energy this year regardless of how you’ve done things in the past. Your time and energy is valuable. Use it wisely and use it where you can really be present. You can choose to be thoughtful about what you plan and agree to so that the -ber months are enjoyable, memorable, and meaningful.

The more uncomfortable part about being intentional can be learning to say no to things. You don’t have to go to every holiday party, your kids don’t have to go trick or treating at multiple venues, and you don’t have to attend or host a huge family gathering for Thanksgiving, unless you want to. The choice is yours. Be conscious about what you choose.

Three: Build Traditions and Rituals

It can take a lot of brain power to figure out what to do for holidays, especially on top of everything else there is to juggle in life. Building traditions and rituals reduces the energy spent around holidays because it gives you an outline for what to focus on and allows you to repeat already established patterns of celebration and connection. It also gives the family things to look forward to every year and things to reflect back on in memories. 

Think of birthdays. What comes to mind? Cake, balloons, singing Happy Birthday, a party, cards, and presents, most likely. Those are traditions and rituals. Many people look forward to celebrating their birthdays because it means their loved ones will gather to honor them. It’s the same thing with the -ber months, but they have the potential to feel more chaotic and overwhelming because everyone is celebrating similar holidays simultaneously and it lasts for months as opposed to just one day.

Some traditions are passed down to us through our culture or by family members. Using intentionality and slowing down, you can determine which of those traditions fit you and your family best in the present moment. You can add, take away, and modify any tradition.

You can also choose to make new traditions. Some people didn’t have a lot of consistency or traditions from their families of origins that they’d like to pass on. If that’s you (that’s certainly me), you have a lot of power in choosing what you establish as tradition in your family.

Four: Reduce Comparisons and Practice Gratitude

In general, comparing ourselves to others is one of our inherent tendencies and has the power to be helpful. It has a survival component to it because we want to feel like we belong. Part of how we assess for belonging is by evaluating our similarities to others within a community. Comparing can also be helpful by showing us where we want to be in the future and motivating us to work towards that.

On the other hand, the downside of comparisons is that it can have a negative impact on our mental health, contributing to depression, decreased self-esteem, more stress, and less fulfillment. We can feel inferior, like we don’t measure up, and like we don’t belong.

The -ber months can generate a lot of comparisons and envy, thanks to social media, since celebrating many of these fall and winter holidays is archetypal. If you want to be a parent and aren’t yet, it’s hard to see your friends sending their kids to school. If you want a big family Thanksgiving but your family is too dysfunctional to connect over holidays, it’s hard to make a dinner for just yourself.

It can be helpful to remember that everyone celebrates and moves through this season differently. Practicing gratitude can also be especially helpful this time of year. To practice gratitude, you simply note the things you are grateful for in your life. My favorite way to make gratitude a daily practice is by using The Five Minute Journal where you follow simple prompts to write about your gratitude in the morning and evening each day. I found that it helps me start my day from a happier place and set a clear intention for the day, and then reflect on how the day went before bed.

Research has documented the positive effects of a regular gratitude practice. People are happier, healthier, and have stronger relationships when practicing gratitude. When your lens is set to gratitude, you can honor what you do have instead of focusing on what’s missing.

Share in the comments how you’re planning to make the most of the -ber months this year!

0