Weekly Inspiration: Trust, Power & Perfectionism

• Trust in the universe I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for at least the 25th time over the past week and was struck by how Harry always receives what he needs in the moment. When we develop a fear of life, we’re not able to trust that we will have access to the resources we need in the moment. Sometimes, that fear feels so powerful that it keeps us from participating in life, from being out in the world, because the possibility of feeling empty, disconnected, abandoned, or overwhelmed feels as if it threatens our very existence. Interestingly enough, that threat is much like what Harry experiences with Voldemort in the series. Of all things that Harry Potter is, however, afraid is certainly not one of them. With all of the challenges Harry has faced, especially in a relational capacity, he still chooses to engage in life and, at some level, trust that the universe has his back.
• Power in owning our reactions My husband is one of the most even-tempered people I know, and this week he let me know when I crossed a boundary and upset him. It felt quite awful to be called out like that and receive that feedback that, and I knew immediately that he was correct in what he was bringing to my attention. It wasn’t the content of what I had said that was upsetting, but it was my impatient, exasperated tone that was unkind. Clearly, I had been triggered and reacted on autopilot. I owned it right away, with some defense, but I really needed to sit with the situation so I could reflect before giving a genuine apology. This was such a different experience for me in our relationship because I get upset so much more frequently than my husband, and I’m thankful for this change. Not only does it offer me more opportunities to reflect and grow personally, but it gives my husband space to be vulnerable and expressive. I’m still slowly perusing Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly to soak in every little detail I can, and have listened and re-listened to the chapter on men and shame this week. I want my husband, and the men in my life, to have space to be vulnerable, to be human, so that we can grow closer.
• More reflections on perfectionism I’ve been thinking more about how perfectionism comes up for me, and it’s not only that I want things to be just right, but I want it to appear effortless. It’s such a tough set up: impossibly high standards that requires substantial effort, but I don’t want anyone to know I’m like a duck treading water. After weeks of reflection on where this comes from, I believe it’s from having such little connection to my parents, leaving me to figure out most things in life on my own from a very young age. It’s so important to be perfect and it appear effortless so that nobody knows- nobody has to know I’m not “normal.” Part of my work, part of my blog as a practice in vulnerability, must be owning my story just as it is.

I hope your week gives you space to reflect on how you can show up differently in life, without fear, and to deepen your relationships through reflection and vulnerability.

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