Weekly Inspiration: Connection, Deep Work & Stories

This week has felt busier than I prefer my weeks to feel. Some of that was due to work, some of it was due to nursing a sick pup back to health, and another factor was having opportunities to connect with people more. Upon reflecting on what ignited my spark this week, I’ve noticed three particular things that brought light to my life this week.

• Reconnecting with a dear friend Over the December holidays, I was going through old letters that friends sent me while I was in boot camp a decade ago. Some of the letters warmed my heart so much that I felt compelled to reach out to people, especially people I hadn’t connected with in a long time, and one of those people was a dear friend from undergrad. Since I reached out, we have been keeping in touch regularly and have so many similar interests and curiosities about life. We’re even reading the same book at the same time without planning to. It’s been a breath of fresh air to reconnect and feel so seen and understood. There’s a part of me that has often felt lonely, knowing that a lot of mainstream stuff doesn’t resonate with me, so when I sync up with someone who has similar values and interest, someone who is always building a meaningful life that fits them, my heart just soars.
• Going deeper There are two parts I’ve felt this theme of going deeper come up this week. One is in the book I’m reading right now, which is called Deep Work by Cal Newport. Even though I’m only a few chapters in, it’s already had an impact on how I structure my days and how I’m conceptualizing that structure in the future. It’s also aligned with the premise of my work here- that presence, intentionality, connection, and lack of distractions make a difference. Over the course of the week, I’ve been looking for ways to limit distractions (especially digital distractions) in my work, both professionally and personally, and I’ve left my work feeling more productive, more intentional, more present, and more grounded. Not only has it impacted my work, but my state of being. I’m calmer and more grounded, and I am doing fewer things on autopilot. The other place this theme is showing up is in thinking through my why and supporting others to think through their whys. Without a heartfelt, emotional understanding of why we’re doing something, it can often feel like box-checking or seeking external validation. I’m working to be intentional about finding connections between my whys and what I do to move more deeply into alignment with myself.
• Listening for the stories When I was younger, I had a hard time connecting with others. Anxiety worked hard to help me feel protected and that made it hard to show up the way I wanted to, so I wasn’t able to make sense of my life story or really hear the stories of others. That’s been changing slowly but surely over the past decade, and now one of the things I love most is to listen to stories and being willing to be impacted by them. My husband sees himself as a storyteller- it’s true that he does tell stories that draw you in- but I think of myself as a storyholder. I want to make space for as much of the story as I can hold for myself and others, for what is said and what’s left unsaid, and be the gentle caretaker for each story I momentarily encounter. Our stories hold so much meaning about ourselves, how we see the world, how we move through the world, and hearing the stories of others is a beautiful way to connect. To add to this, James Clear’s newsletter included this quote about stories and going deeper in how we listen last week:

“Deep listening is an act of surrender. We risk being changed by what we hear.

When I really want to hear another person’s story, I try to leave my preconceptions at the door and draw close to their telling. I am always partially listening to the thoughts in my own head when others are speaking, so I consciously quiet my own thoughts and begin to listen with my senses.

Empathy is cognitive and emotional-to inhabit another person’s view of the world is to feel the world with them. But I also know that it’s okay if I don’t feel very much for them at all. I just need to feel safe enough to stay curious.

The most critical part of listening is asking what is at stake for the other person. I try to understand what matters to them, not what I think matters. Sometimes I start to lose myself in their story. As soon as I notice I’m feeling unmoored, I try to pull myself back into my body, like returning home. As Hannah Arendt says, ‘One trains one’s imagination to go visiting.’ When the story is done, we must return to our own skin, our own worldview, and notice how we have been changed by our visit.”

Documentary filmmaker Valarie Kaur, See No Stranger

I hope your week ahead brings you time to slow down and engage in deep, meaningful connections, and offers you opportunities to be changed by the stories of others.

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