The Art of Self-Care

For me, self-care is all of the little things I do to offer myself kindness, compassion, and space on a regular basis to help me feel recharged. Practicing self-care allows me to show up and be present. It’s so much easier to respond to the needs of others when I have met my own needs first.

I don’t mean this in a selfish way. Self-care is not selfish, but I know it can totally feel that way if this is a new concept in your life. So many of us are taught to be attuned to the needs of everyone else around them, or have our understanding of our needs influenced by advertisements.

For me, self-care feels like the opposite of selfishness. When you practice self-care, you are better able to regulate your emotional state and less likely to project negative feelings onto others. It preserves and deepens relationships with others because you’re not dumping your needs on to another person so much. Selfishness, on the other hand, is when an individual prioritizes their needs and desires above others constantly without consideration for others.

Think back to the last time you were on an airplane and sat through the flight attendant’s safety demonstration. In the event of an emergency, all passengers are instructed to put their own oxygen mask on first before tending to others. Why? Well, unfortunately, you can’t help others if you pass out, or you’re frantically trying to help someone else in order to earn the right to help yourself next. This same concept applies here. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so it’s important to take care of yourself first.

Aside from acknowledging you are human and have limited resources (even the iPhone has to be recharged regularly!), self-care is an important practice because you are worthy of care. There’s nothing you need to do to earn or deserve self-care. You might need to get creative about how to work it into your day, or what activities feel best to you, but it is an essential part of the pursuit of happiness.

What it isn’t

There are three guidelines I follow to define what isn’t self-care. Otherwise, anything goes!

One: Self-care does not require wealth or unlimited time. Fancy spa days are not necessary or even the standard. Instead, the practice is built day in and day out through one moment at a time where you choose to pause and acknowledge yourself. Even just one minute a day to honor yourself can make a difference.

Two: Self-care isn’t draining. It leaves you feeling rejuvenated and well-rested. If you’re walking away from something feeling exhausted, stretched thin, or overwhelmed, that’s probably not a good fit for you at the moment.

Three: Self-care is a practice you engage in regularly, like preventative care. It’s not a crisis response activity you use to reel yourself back in only when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted. It’s a regular investment in your health and well-being.

The science

The impact self-care can make is surprisingly measurable. Having a regular self-care practice can decrease the amount of stress and emotional exhaustion you feel, which was noted in all of the research articles I read through. One of the studies I read found this to be the case for nurses who practiced yoga for 8 weeks,² while another noted that a regular mindfulness practice reduces stress and negative affect.³ That right there shows just how powerful self-care is, knowing what we do about the negative impacts of stress on the human body, mind, and soul.

The research shows that regular self-care can also reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety and help us to avoid burnout. One meta analysis from the Netherlands reviewed 23 studies and found that stress, anxiety, and burnout were reduced for employees who practiced mindfulness regularly.¹

It’s not just the reductions that make a difference, though. Practicing self-care also invites more positives into our lives. The Netherlands’ meta analysis revealed that people who practiced mindfulness regularly experienced an increased sense of accomplishment and capacity for self-compassion, as well as improved sleep. Improved resilience, concentration, and stress management were also noted.¹

Self-care can also impact self-esteem. The most interesting study I read tracked cortisol levels of participants, and reported that those who showed a significant reduction in cortisol levels also demonstrated the most improved sense of self-esteem. The intervention? Applying a daily body moisturizer for 30 days while listening to calming music with tranquil visuals. Unfortunately, the improved sense of self-esteem did not last following the conclusion of the intervention.⁴ What this means is that there’s a tangible impact that comes from practicing self-care regularly.

I was perplexed to find zero articles on the impact of self-care in interpersonal relationships. Personally, regular self-care has helped me deepen my relationships by cultivating self-compassion and empathy. Again, we can give only what we have, so when I have compassion and empathy towards myself, it’s much easier to offer to others.

Creating a self-care routine

Similar to many of the ideas we explore here together, change comes from shifting our mindsets and from doing things differently. In terms of mindset, it’s not so much WHAT you do as it is HOW you do it. Nearly anything can be self-care as long as it’s deliberate and you feel recharged from it. Regarding what you do, your self-care practices will be unique to you and include activities you engage in that make you feel lighter, more vibrant, and still on the inside.

Start building your routine by being intentional with things you already do. Think of all of the things that leave you feeling recharged. Maybe you walk your dog for an hour after work or have a regular sleep schedule. Perhaps you practice yoga once a week or call your sister on Sundays. Whatever helps you feel lighter and brighter, hold on to that!

Once you’re got an awareness of what resonates with you, you can add on that to tailor your self-care practice to match what you need. Think about when you’re needing self-care in the average week and how much feels like a good fit. Maybe once a week is a great fit for you, or maybe you need a daily refresh. There is no right or wrong way to practice self-care once you make time to intentionally practice whatever fills your cup.

Remember that change takes time. Find a way to build self-care into your schedule and start small so you set yourself up for success. Creating new habits is achieved by taking several tiny baby steps over time. If and when you’d like to add something new to your routine, start with just one thing at a time.

Self-care ideas

Here are some ideas to consider exploring:

• Create a sleep routine
• Yoga
• Meditation
• Practice mindfulness
• Breath work
• Quiet time
• Take a walk
• Spend time in nature
• Take breaks from work
• Mindful eating
• Intuitive eating
• Be kind to your body by what you eat, what you think, and how you move
• Dance
• Swim
• Move your body
• Rest
• Time away from screens
• Exercise
• Pray
• Get massages
• Acupuncture
• Energy medicine
• Play with a pet
• Listen to music
• Play music
• Connect with a loved one
• Cuddle with a loved one
• Enjoy unstructured time
• Go to therapy
• Do inner child work
• Journal
• Sit in a sauna
• Down-regulate your nervous system
• Cook
• Approach a task with a beginner’s mindset
• Do a body scan
• Progressive muscle relaxation
• Check in with your physical sensations
• Check in with your feelings
• Check in with your needs
• Read a book for enjoyment
• Enjoy time away from your daily routine
• Visualizations
• Gratitude
• Affirmations
• Focus on what you’re experiencing in your five senses in the moment
• Take a warm bath
• Use aromatherapy
• Just pause
• Play an instrument

I’d love to hear how you practice self-care already or what your dreams are for incorporating it into your life. Feel free to share in the comments below!

If you find yourself having trouble getting started…

Change is hard for all of us. I have been working to build a self-care practice for over a decade, and I’ve noticed a pattern. The times when I dedicated no time to self-care, it was because I felt the least deserving of love, care, and honoring myself. If you’re struggling with this, that’s okay. Instead of trying to shift the things you do, take a deeper look at how you feel. Ask yourself, “Do I feel deserving of care?” and have the courage to listen for the answer. Whatever that answer is, meet it with acceptance, and know that you are worthy of care.

References

1. Janssen, Math, et al. “Effects of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction on Employees’ Mental Health: A Systematic Review.” PLOS ONE, vol. 13, no. 1, 2018, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0191332.
2. Alexander, Gina K., et al. “Yoga for Self-Care and Burnout Prevention Among Nurses.” Workplace Health & Safety, vol. 63, no. 10, 2015, pp. 462–470., doi:10.1177/2165079915596102.
3. Shapiro, Shauna L., et al. “Teaching Self-Care to Caregivers: Effects of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction on the Mental Health of Therapists in Training.” Training and Education in Professional Psychology, vol. 1, no. 2, 2007, pp. 105–115., doi:10.1037/1931-3918.1.2.105. https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.362.6424&rep=rep1&type=pdf
4. Leão, Eliseth Ribeiro, et al. “Stress, Self-Esteem and Well-Being among Female Health Professionals: A Randomized Clinical Trial on the Impact of a Self-Care Intervention Mediated by the Senses.” Plos One, vol. 12, no. 2, 2017, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0172455. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0191332

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